A pain in my chest

On March 30, 2017 my husband had surgery on his knee.  I dropped him to his surgery and picked him up.  When dropping him off, he was in a rush and kept harassing me about missing lights or not driving fast enough. God he is such a grump.  He makes me not want to help him.  He is the only person I have met that is rude and gets easily frustrated with someone they just asked for help.

On the way home, I offered to pick up dinner and did. I told him I would pick up his medication after our daughter’s bedtime.  I picked up his medication, but I didn’t ask the pharmacist for any information because this was my husband’s 2nd knee surgery.

When I got home, I finally got to sit down and relax.  After 5 min, he asked me to get him his medication and I paused for 30 seconds before answering.  He got upset and got up with his crutches to get his meds and acts like I haven’t been doing everything for every surgery.  He then complains that he doesn’t know which med does what.  I tell him he can just Google it.  He got upset at this statement too.  He them blamed me for not asking the pharmacist for details.  I mentioned that I didn’t think about it because I normally ask the Dr what the meds are for or their assistant. He said that the Dr was gone and that his assistant was the only one there and I told him he could have asked the assistant for help.

He got upset and slammed his phone on the table and it flew to the floor. He called me a fucking bitch.

I definitely do not like being called a bitch, but I kept my cool. I put away our logitech remote so that he doesn’t break that too. He told me to pick up his phone and I said no.  I told him that he slammed his phone down and he can get it.  He started calling me a fucking bitch, stupid, and idiotic.

I should have left the room at that point faster.

I was packing up my stuff to leave the room and I heard him get up to get his phone and then he said, “I should kick your ass”.  I foolishly got upset and that point and I was at the table and I turned toward him and took two steps toward him to yell at him, finally.

The next think I feel is a slam to my chest.  I barely knew what happened.  I realized that he turned toward me rather than heading straight to pick up his phone. He had lowered his head and rammed me in the chest.  I was so foolish.  I knew he was an asshole and got frustrated easily, but this was so unexpected.

I yelled and told him that he hit me.

He said I deserved it and I had a screw loose and I was stupid and idiotic.  He claimed that he was defending himself.  That I was going to knock him down and he just had knee surgery.  That is bullshit.  I have NEVER hurt anyone in my life.  I was foolish to move toward him when he is angry.  I was caught by surprise. I was so foolish. He is using that as justification for ramming me.  Asshole!

Now I need to decide what to do next.

Things will never be the same.  I will never feel anything toward him again after he hurt me.  How could I.  I haven’t yet decided whether to leave him.

That night I was so sure I was leaving him.  I locked myself into my home office and slept with a bat beside my bed in case he was still angry.

Every time I feel a pain in my chest, I remember that he did that to me and still blames me for it.  Saying that I was going to hurt him???? But I did not!!!!

I think I have decided to play the long game.  I will leave him, but I will get him back first.  Some how.  And he will never surprise me like that again.  I carry pepper spray on me – in my purse and next to my side of the bed.  If he ever touches me again, I will spray his and kick him in the balls, call the police and leave him to be a sorry ungrateful loser all by himself.

I am the type of person who goes out of my way to help people, but I make sure to not do that with him now.  There is a hatred inside me for him and I don’t see how that ever goes away.  Ever.